Open with the reason for the conversation
One sentence, no throat-clearing. 'I want to talk about how our last two syncs went.' Naming it lowers everyone's anxiety.
The specific observation
Behaviour + impact, no interpretation. 'When you interrupted Jamie twice yesterday, the room went quiet and no one else contributed.' Not 'you're a bad listener.'
What you're asking for
One specific behaviour change you want, phrased as a request. Concrete enough that they'd know if they did it.
Their turn
Ask, then be quiet. Assume you're missing context and hold that assumption for at least 30 seconds before you respond.
Land the follow-up
Agree how you'll check in — a 1:1, a note in two weeks. Otherwise the conversation was theater.
Common pitfalls
- — Sandwiching feedback in praise. The middle gets ignored.
- — Going in without a specific ask. You'll leave with 'we should talk more.'
- — Delivering it over Slack. Only face-to-face, or video at minimum.