The signal
Often shared cautiously, sometimes wrapped in apology. They may be asking for an accommodation without using the word.
What it really means
They've weighed the risk and decided to trust you. They need you to receive it without flinching, without pity, and without changing how you see their work.
Your first response
Thank them, normalize it, and ask what kind of accommodation or change would help. Do not pivot into a wellness lecture.
The Playbook
1. Treat it like any other accommodation
- Ask what specifically would help: meeting load, async-first work, camera-off, fewer interrupts.
- Offer to loop in HR for formal accommodations, but don't force it.
- Make changes quietly — public accommodations can feel like exposure.
2. Adjust how you work together
- Write down decisions and next steps after 1:1s — reduces cognitive load.
- Be explicit about priorities so they don't have to read your mind.
- Default to one-on-one feedback, not group settings.
3. Hold the bar, gently
Accommodation is not lowered expectations. Keep the standards clear and the path to meet them realistic.
Things you can actually say
“Thank you for trusting me with this. It doesn't change how I see you or your work. Tell me what would make the job easier — I'd rather adjust than guess.”
What to avoid
- — Recommending therapy, supplements, or apps unsolicited.
- — Sharing the disclosure beyond HR without explicit consent.
- — Quietly removing them from high-visibility work as a "favor."
The follow-through
- Revisit accommodations every quarter — needs change.
- Watch for your own bias creeping into promotion or stretch-project decisions.